When Life Takes A Detour

Building Strength

So many times I have heard, “… but I’m not as strong as you are”. My reaction is always the same thing … “Oh yes you are, you just don’t know it yet”. I didn’t know I had the strength within me to go through everything that  I struggled with and there were many times when I considered giving up and just accepting my situation as it was. But I wanted more. I wanted my children to have more. As I have stated many times in Power Within Her, I didn’t know what “more” was at the time but I knew it was not what we were living.

Do What You Can

So what I did was focus on “today”. I did what I could and let the rest go. I made sure I was present when my children were home and when they weren’t, I nurtured me. Sure there were times when I wasn’t my best, but on those days, I was the best I could be at that time. The next day, I worked on stepping up my game. I did the house work, shopping, school events and planned my nest day.  At night I would drop into my bed exhausted and sometimes cry myself to sleep but I would not give up. I completed the day and readied myself for the next one. I had no idea what was down the road so I didn’t focus on that. I could only handle what was immediately in front of me.

Wishing The Struggle Away

Our strength comes from the challenges we face and the unknown territory that is ahead of us. I am referring to our struggles and the fear of what is to come. These times should not be wished away. Instead, they should be lived, learned from and remembered. These are the moments when we grow and build our strength. It is not so much the destination we are looking to reach, it is more about how we get to those destinations. Our daily challenges are the victories, the memories and the proof that we did it. Living the experiences is what being alive is all about. Getting through the tough times and setbacks are what makes the outcome so rewarding. Nobody in this world who has reached their goals without struggle and failure.

The Unknowns Of Life

My friend Louisa Stringer, www.louisawiebestringer.com, a Family Caregiving Consultant writes in her documented journey with her family which is published in Expedition Portal https://expeditionportal.com/lumpy-land-roaming/

 “Rough roads don’t just lead to beautiful destinations; they are beautiful destinations. So often, the unknowns of life are what scares us the most. The reality is that these are what life is made of. When you travel down roads or trails that are on areas of the map that have the dotted lines marking dirt or gravel, those are the ones we should be pursuing. More often than not, those are the roads that lead you to places beyond your wildest imagination. They take you away from your thoughts and into your soul to remind you that beauty is everywhere we turn in this world. It takes a lot of slowing down to see it.”

Louisa’s journey with her family reminds us that it is the paths we travel that give our lives such meaning. The unpredicted journeys bring us to amazing destinations, but we need to explore the unchartered paths and live in each moment. Sometimes it’s the biggest struggles that unveils the most beautiful destinations. Don’t rush life by, live it.

Enjoy the ride!!!

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Let Go Of The Past

You can’t change what has already happened. But, you can create your future!

The insanity is that we spend years and sometimes decades holding on to our past. Sometimes we can’t let go of a love that went wrong or a painful childhood that we lived. Some of us question why our parents weren’t better or why our husband was with someone else. We stop ourselves from moving forward because we are so busy looking back at what would have, could have or should have been. Why do we waste all this time? The problem is, we can’t change it and we can’t relive it. Yet we hold on and re-hash it over and over again.

“It’s Who I Am”

I was talking with a friend who has been struggling with lack of motivation. She wants to move forward, but can’t seem to do what she knows she needs to do. During our conversation, she mentioned that she saved everything from her divorce. When I asked why, she said she didn’t know, maybe the kids would want it. In addition, she told me she didn’t want to sell her parent’s house. They had been gone for years. She didn’t want the house, but it was the house she grew up in.  She couldn’t let go of the past because she was viewing it as her life. She was using it to validate who she was. What a revelation! Here she was telling me that she wants to move forward, yet she won’t let go of the past. She’s stuck.

You Are Not Your Past

Similar to the roles we play in our lives, our past does not determine who we are. We may be mothers,  sisters and co-workers, but that is not who we are, it’s what we do. It’s the same thing with our past. It could be we were neglected as a child, ended up divorced, dealt with chemical abuse in the family or lost a loved one. These type of events are not who we are, they are the blocks that built our strength, teach us lessons and helped us determine good from bad. These moments from our past contribute to the knowledge, determination and beliefs that live inside us. They serve as the fuel, the inspiration and the will to be better, to do better and love better. We are not our past. Our past is part of us.

Open Your Heart

We are the ones who determine who and what we will be. It is us who decides if these events will make us stronger or weaker, more compassionate or resentful. The power is within each of us. We determine the outcome and we create our future. Letting go does not erase who we are, it allows us the opportunity to experience and learn more. Open your heart and let go of the darkness; it is holding you back from living the life you dream of.

Learning Tips:

As stated in my book, Power Within Her, writing is an amazing healing tool. Tonight, think about what you are holding on to and why you are doing it. What events have happened to you that you can look at differently and grow from? Are you keeping items that remind you of painful or memories? How are they serving you? What would happen if you let them go? Make room for the future and let go of what is holding you back. You don’t need it anymore.

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Are Your Beliefs Yours

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t… You’re Right!” – Henry Ford

What Are You Choosing To Believe

Everything that we want or strive for is within our grasp. It all comes down to our belief in whether we can do it, have it or be it. If we believe we can do something, we will do it. However, if we don’t believe we will accomplish that something, we won’t able to. That is what Henry Ford is saying in the quote above. It is all in what we believe. With that being said, what do you believe about your current situation? What do you believe about yourself? What do you believe can change?

The Reality About Beliefs

When we were toddlers, teenagers and even adults the people around us told us and showed us what to believe. Our parents, teachers, churches, partners and bosses conditioned us to believe what they were taught to believe. Take Santa for example, millions of children believed Santa came down the chimney and brought presents to all the good boys and girls. This belief was instilled in us all year round with reminders that Santa was watching. Then someone else told us Santa wasn’t real, which was when we no longer believed it.  All of our beliefs were learned. The point is, we can learn to believe whatever we chose and we can stop believing something that is not true. It is all up to what we decide to believe.

Creating Your Beliefs

Think about some of the things you have learned to believe, such as, girls play with dolls and boys play with trucks. Or we are told we are not athletic enough, pretty enough or smart enough for this sport or that job. Our quality of art, music and style is determined  by the people we surround ourselves with. Most don’t have the expertise to make that decision. And if they say we aren’t good enough, we believe it. But that is not our belief, it’s theirs. You have your own mind, your own dreams and your own ability to create your beliefs. What do you believe?

Learning Tips

In your journal, write about where you would like to be in five years. Explore your ideal job, relationship and view of yourself. What do you see? What would you need to believe in order to accomplish these levels of success? One of the tools used in Power Within Her, was to write down three beliefs about each of these areas and stated them in the present tense. (ex. I am lovable and loving). These statements are called affirmations. Repeat them to yourself (in the mirror) each morning and at bedtime. You will develop these beliefs and you will be what you believe. It just happens. Believe  it and you will achieve it!

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