Be The Gift That You Are

Shine The Light

As we go through life, we have an abundance of labels placed on us and  we play many roles. We are daughters, sisters, friends, mothers, neighbors, wives and ex-wives. The labels that are put on us vary from one extreme to another but cover things like, female, middle child, divorced, single, pretty, fat, sensitive, bitchy, unemployed and so many others. But none of these things actually say who we are. The roles are what we do and the labels are the opinions of other people. When someone asks us, “Who are you?”, we struggle with the answer. We don’t know who we are. A frequent response may be, “I’m fifty something and I have no idea who I am.” Sound familiar?

You’re Not Alone

Through the course of our lives we have managed to be there for everyone. We’ve done the cooking, cleaning, shopping and scheduling. We’ve loved, supported, nurtured and consoled all the people in our life. For years, we have put everyone first without being asked to, we just do it. But because we are so busy taking care of everybody else’s needs, we fail to address our own. No wonder we end up lost in a world that we created ourselves. Of course we reach a point where we feel alone, empty and unfulfilled. It doesn’t have to be that way.

Take The Time

The answer is easy; the process is not. You need to figure out who that girl is inside of you. Seems like an odd thing to say but that is exactly what needs to happen. The last client I said that to stared at me and said, “I don’t know how to do that. I don’t even know who I am.” My suggestion to her was to do it the same way she would if she were getting to know a friend. Spend time with her. Find out what she likes and dislikes. Discover what makes her smile and laugh.  Walk the beach with her or venture into the woods. What catches her attention? What melts her heart and what makes her feel like a kid again? What’s her favorite movie, song, ice-cream. Spend as much time with her as you can and you will discover what’s in her heart.

You Are The Gift

I can remember hearing about people who would go “find themselves” in a cabin in the woods or at a personal growth retreat.  I didn’t have the time or money to go figure out what was wrong. I discovered who I am between the bus stop and the bedtime stories. I made sure I was present in my life and every moment I got to be with me, I took it. I walked the beach, listened to music, and read motivational books. I played with my children and watched the sunrises every morning that I could. I laid in bed at night and  wrote about my day, my dreams and my goals. I learned about me and paid no mind to what others thought about me. It’s time for you to unwrap the gift that you are and discover what is inside.

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Offer is good through January 31, 2021.

When Life Takes A Detour

Building Strength

So many times I have heard, “… but I’m not as strong as you are”. My reaction is always the same thing … “Oh yes you are, you just don’t know it yet”. I didn’t know I had the strength within me to go through everything that  I struggled with and there were many times when I considered giving up and just accepting my situation as it was. But I wanted more. I wanted my children to have more. As I have stated many times in Power Within Her, I didn’t know what “more” was at the time but I knew it was not what we were living.

Do What You Can

So what I did was focus on “today”. I did what I could and let the rest go. I made sure I was present when my children were home and when they weren’t, I nurtured me. Sure there were times when I wasn’t my best, but on those days, I was the best I could be at that time. The next day, I worked on stepping up my game. I did the house work, shopping, school events and planned my nest day.  At night I would drop into my bed exhausted and sometimes cry myself to sleep but I would not give up. I completed the day and readied myself for the next one. I had no idea what was down the road so I didn’t focus on that. I could only handle what was immediately in front of me.

Wishing The Struggle Away

Our strength comes from the challenges we face and the unknown territory that is ahead of us. I am referring to our struggles and the fear of what is to come. These times should not be wished away. Instead, they should be lived, learned from and remembered. These are the moments when we grow and build our strength. It is not so much the destination we are looking to reach, it is more about how we get to those destinations. Our daily challenges are the victories, the memories and the proof that we did it. Living the experiences is what being alive is all about. Getting through the tough times and setbacks are what makes the outcome so rewarding. Nobody in this world who has reached their goals without struggle and failure.

The Unknowns Of Life

My friend Louisa Stringer, www.louisawiebestringer.com, a Family Caregiving Consultant writes in her documented journey with her family which is published in Expedition Portal https://expeditionportal.com/lumpy-land-roaming/

 “Rough roads don’t just lead to beautiful destinations; they are beautiful destinations. So often, the unknowns of life are what scares us the most. The reality is that these are what life is made of. When you travel down roads or trails that are on areas of the map that have the dotted lines marking dirt or gravel, those are the ones we should be pursuing. More often than not, those are the roads that lead you to places beyond your wildest imagination. They take you away from your thoughts and into your soul to remind you that beauty is everywhere we turn in this world. It takes a lot of slowing down to see it.”

Louisa’s journey with her family reminds us that it is the paths we travel that give our lives such meaning. The unpredicted journeys bring us to amazing destinations, but we need to explore the unchartered paths and live in each moment. Sometimes it’s the biggest struggles that unveils the most beautiful destinations. Don’t rush life by, live it.

Enjoy the ride!!!

Let Go Of The Past

You can’t change what has already happened. But, you can create your future!

The insanity is that we spend years and sometimes decades holding on to our past. Sometimes we can’t let go of a love that went wrong or a painful childhood that we lived. Some of us question why our parents weren’t better or why our husband was with someone else. We stop ourselves from moving forward because we are so busy looking back at what would have, could have or should have been. Why do we waste all this time? The problem is, we can’t change it and we can’t relive it. Yet we hold on and re-hash it over and over again.

“It’s Who I Am”

I was talking with a friend who has been struggling with lack of motivation. She wants to move forward, but can’t seem to do what she knows she needs to do. During our conversation, she mentioned that she saved everything from her divorce. When I asked why, she said she didn’t know, maybe the kids would want it. In addition, she told me she didn’t want to sell her parent’s house. They had been gone for years. She didn’t want the house, but it was the house she grew up in.  She couldn’t let go of the past because she was viewing it as her life. She was using it to validate who she was. What a revelation! Here she was telling me that she wants to move forward, yet she won’t let go of the past. She’s stuck.

You Are Not Your Past

Similar to the roles we play in our lives, our past does not determine who we are. We may be mothers,  sisters and co-workers, but that is not who we are, it’s what we do. It’s the same thing with our past. It could be we were neglected as a child, ended up divorced, dealt with chemical abuse in the family or lost a loved one. These type of events are not who we are, they are the blocks that built our strength, teach us lessons and helped us determine good from bad. These moments from our past contribute to the knowledge, determination and beliefs that live inside us. They serve as the fuel, the inspiration and the will to be better, to do better and love better. We are not our past. Our past is part of us.

Open Your Heart

We are the ones who determine who and what we will be. It is us who decides if these events will make us stronger or weaker, more compassionate or resentful. The power is within each of us. We determine the outcome and we create our future. Letting go does not erase who we are, it allows us the opportunity to experience and learn more. Open your heart and let go of the darkness; it is holding you back from living the life you dream of.

Learning Tips:

As stated in my book, Power Within Her, writing is an amazing healing tool. Tonight, think about what you are holding on to and why you are doing it. What events have happened to you that you can look at differently and grow from? Are you keeping items that remind you of painful or memories? How are they serving you? What would happen if you let them go? Make room for the future and let go of what is holding you back. You don’t need it anymore.

Click Here if  you would like to share your thoughts, questions, or ideas.
Receive a complimentary one hour coaching session, 
Offer is good through January 31, 2021.
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